HOW TO BE ITALIAN: TO CIAO OR NOT TO CIAO?

Repeated several times each day, these social interactions waste precious seconds that could be spent playing Candy Crush or watching a cat fall off a skateboard but what can you do? Even cultures that have not fully evolved towards efficient forms of interpersonal salutation such as the angry scowl, the nervous cough or the downward ‘oh-look-at-the-state-of-my-shoes’ stare deserve our respect.

It's worth learning some of these pointless utterances if you wish to blend in with the natives. However, there is a small complicazione. Just to make things difficult, Italian does not do one-size-fits-all salutation words like ‘hello’ or ‘goodbye’. The six words listed below cover most scenarios; knowing when to use them, and who with, is the tricky part.

Ciao!

Can mean both hello and goodbye, but only for people you’re on ‘tu’ terms with, not ‘Lei’ terms. One sure way to spot a foreigner in Italy is the fact that they will ciao! everyone and everything indiscriminately, from a fluffy kitten to the carabiniere who has just stopped them for speeding. Ciao is for family, friends and lovers, for kids and pets, and sometimes (but not always) for work colleagues. Its use among adult strangers is mostly confined to political compagni (fellow travellers), fashionistas, or those united by a common passion – especially sportspeople.

Arrivederci and arrivederla

Means goodbye until next time – literally ‘to see you again’. The casual ‘ci’ form is for people you would ciao, while the more formal ‘la’ version is for people you would buongiorno or buonasera. If you can say either one in a second or less, you have achieved advanced-level italianità.

Salve!

Means hello, not goodbye. It’s a greeting of Ancient Roman origins with an advantage over other Italian greeting words, in that although it skews towards informality, it can be used with pretty much anybody. It’s typically deployed when asking a question of a stranger, or when you encounter somebody while out on a country walk.

With that sorted, all that remains is the vexed issue of cheek-kissing.

The ‘how’ part is relatively easy. In Italy, you always start by moving to the right to touch your left cheek to your friend’s left cheek, then moving to the left to touch your right cheek to your friend’s right. Then, after this double whammy, basta, stop, retreat. You’re not in France.

Whether you mime a ‘mwah’ as you do it is up to you. No lip-cheek contact is involved, for obvious reasons (have you ever tried kissing someone on the cheek as they do the same to you?). If you work in the Milan fashion world, even cheek-to-cheek contact is unlikely. Instead, you will both make movements suggestive of heading a football first in one direction then the other.

In Italy, men cheek-kiss other men without it reflecting in any way on their gender identity. One can’t even use hygiene as an excuse to avoid that grapple. It has been proven that the cheek-kiss is less likely to transmit germs than the good old masculine handshake. Avoiding other people altogether is safer, but good luck with that – or as Italians would say, In bocca al lupo!, literally ‘in the wolf’s mouth’. Where it’s probably way less hygienic.

Artwork © Anouk (Anna Monaco)